If I asked you to describe yourself in three words, what would you say? And would “generous” be one of them?
I have a colleague who says she is an introvert. Nobody believes her. She is socially enthusiastic, an exceptional conversationalist, and a firecracker. When she mentions her own introversion, people generally respond with some good-natured ribbing.
The truth is that my colleague knows herself better than the rest of us ever could. And when it comes to communicating, our perception of her personality is far less important than her self-perception.
Perhaps something similar has happened to you. Maybe you’ve been described by a friend as very serious, when you primarily view yourself as having a great sense of humor. Or as brunette when, in your mind’s eye, you are a blonde (such is the dilemma of a childhood blonde who has long since left that hue behind).
In all these examples we can see a through-line: good communication is strongly tied to good listening. If we insist on our own perception rather than considering the other person’s self-perception, we risk making them feel misunderstood and less likely to engage in the future.
Which brings me to the point: you can immensely improve the results of your donor cultivation efforts by understanding their self-perception.
This principle applies directly to nonprofit fundraising and understanding it can meaningfully improve your donor relationships.
When donors are asked to describe themselves, the word "generous" consistently ranks near the bottom of their list. Most donors don't see their contributions as generous because they wish they could give more. Calling someone generous when they don't feel that way creates an uncomfortable disconnect.
At its worst, a donor might feel that your thanks for their “generous” $50-$100 gift is slightly disingenuous (regardless of your genuine intentions).
Research shows that donors identify most strongly with words like kind, caring, thoughtful, friend, concerned, faithful, and loving. These are deeply personal descriptors that reflect who donors believe they are at their core.
When you use these words in your communications, you are going beyond thanking someone for a transaction; you're speaking to their identity and values.
Try replacing "Dear generous benefactor," with phrases like "Dear faithful friend," or "Dear concerned citizen.” Look for improved engagement and perhaps higher giving in the future.
If you want to strengthen your overall donor communication strategy, look no further than our Guide to Direct Mail Fundraising.
Luckily, there’s an extremely simple solution for improving your donor communication without the guesswork: an open-ended question.
Ask your donors why they give, what motivates them, or how they'd describe themselves. Then use their own words in future letters, thank-you cards, and direct mail packages.
This approach will help you improve your donor relationships by showing understanding, rather than accidentally creating an uncomfortable distance with misplaced adjectives.
When people feel truly heard and understood, they're far more likely to continue their relationship with you (or in this case, your organization).
Your donors will tell you exactly how to communicate with them if you're willing to listen.
For further reading, my colleague wrote this timeless piece on listening to your donors.
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Before joining AmPhil, Liz served as a senior program officer at the William E. Simon Foundation, where she helped review and make recommendations on funding proposals, evaluate organizational effectiveness, and maintain foundation operations. Previously, she worked at a nonprofit dedicated to supporting independent college newspapers on campuses around the country. She graduated from Gonzaga University, where she studied foreign languages, literature, and philosophy. She and her husband live in California’s Bay Area and have five children.
Connect with Liz on LinkedIn here or contact her anytime at lpalla@amphil.com.